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Life after Divorce

Ten Steps for Life after Divorce

You just went through a divorce and you’re probably facing some dramatic changes to your feelings and routines.  Divorce is one of the most emotionally draining and physically exhausting steps you may ever take in life, and life after divorce can be a long process.  However, some of the following steps may help you start a new life after divorce.  

Ten Step Guide

Consider the following steps after your divorce has become finalized:

1) Accept the changes that have occurred in your life.  If you sit around and think about what went wrong, you’re simply delaying your ability to get over the divorce.  Once the divorce becomes final, the changes to your life are final.  Accept and understand why these changes have occurred.  Even if the changes occurred partly because of your actions, accept your past choices and learn from them.  

2) Start doing things you couldn’t do during the marriage.  Did you give up anything during the marriage such as a club membership or attending a league?  Start doing things you sacrificed during the marriage.

3) It’s normal to feel sadness and grief, but don’t constantly dwell on these feelings.  One of the best ways to overcome your feelings is to make a list of all your problems, and then make a separate list of solutions that can solves each and every one of those problems.  Start making goals that are attainable and not farfetched.  

4) Don’t let the feeling of rejection affect your social life.  Thinking you will be rejected in the future by friends or even another partner is one of the worst things you can do in your life after divorce.  

5) Don’t forget about the good memories you shared with your former spouse.  If you have children, realize that you produced these children, and the only reason they’re here is because of your former spouse.  The divorce may have caused feelings of discontent towards your former spouse, but if you think about good memories in the past, you will be able to forgive them faster and maintain a healthy relationship with them and your children.  

6) Don’t dwell on anger.  If you need to, attend counseling or seek the support of a friend, church leader, or similar person.  Talk to a person that is willing to listen and won’t become annoyed by your venting.  

7) Keep track of your finances.  This is one of the most important steps in life after divorce.  Account for all of your support payments, liabilities, and other bills.  You don’t want the stress of finances to add to the stress of life after divorce.  

8) Go out and meet new people.  You may lose some mutual friends between yourself and your wife, but know that this is normal and you can always make new friends.  

9) Try to be as friendly as possible, even if you have to force yourself to be happy.  People will respect you for keeping check of your emotions.  If you are in a negative mood in a social situation, people may assume you’re always negative.  

10) Consider dating again when the right time comes along.  Don’t jump into a relationship too quickly, and know that you’ll find another partner someday.  

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